...on creating a monster

Hey, how's it going, all you Lullabys fans?

We have created a monster!

The other day me, Brett and two other important 'Lullabys people' had a meeting. It was business talk. This is where things are getting serious! No longer is my music a little hobby that thwarts my melancholia and mends my oft-broken heart. There, there dear!

I feel anxious about giving up control! Not that I am a control freak or anything. I've always wanted it to be heard; always knew it was good enough to be out there for the masses to listen to (especially when you listen to the crap they play on the wireless these days). It's just that my songs, being so personal and meaningful to me, are hard to let go of. Hard to release. They belong to me!!!
The thing is, I always wanted this to happen, always wanted people to get interested in my 'art'. I loved it as a kid when a painting I'd done was hung up in assembly and I stood up, all proud and noble when the Headmaster announced I'd done it. I remember it clearly to this day. I shot up out of my chair like a jack-in-the box, so keen was I for recognition.
And maybe that is the bottom line? The thing that's still driving me?
But I know what's good and worthy.

With your help as a fan (and with the help of the Lullabys entourage) THE TIME IS FAST APPROACHING!
The snowball effect is kicking in. The first domino has been pushed...they are all falling into place, creating this amazing pattern which I simply have to let happen. And why wouldn't I?

DO YOU EVER WONDER IF YOU SABOTAGE YOURSELF?

I am a natural cynic and have a tendancy to over-analyse and question things.
Could I really sell my music? Could I really get a publishing deal? Could my dream come true, after years of failure? Or am I destined to always be a 'nearly man' - talented, but not quite good enough? Do you ask yourself the same things?
WELL FUCK THAT!
I am through with negative defeatism!
NOW IS THE TIME TO PUSH AHEAD!
What's stopping you doing the same, other than your own fear of failure? Or is it a fear of success? When the astronauts returned from the moon, many of them became severely depressed. When you've been to the moon, what else is there to strive for?
So, maybe you and I do subconsciously sabotage ourselves because if we achieve our goals, what next?
And this is one of the reasons I got drawn to Buddhism and especially the law of non-attachment. There is a Buddhist saying that says, "Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water." In other words, nothing really changes on an outward level - except your own attitude. And as we know, ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING! Although having goals in life is good (and healthy) we need to relinquish our dependance on their outcomes, the mentality that says, "...oh, if I don't get good grades I'll never be any good at anything", or, "If I don't hit my sales target this month the boss will have it in for me and I'll feel humiliated and a complete failure."
BE VERY WARY OF BLACK AND WHITE/ ALL OR NOTHING THINKING. It's driven by your emotional brain that's often working from old, out-dated patterns. If we attain our goals, then great. If not, it's still great! You are still alive! What's most important is the ability to ENJOY THE JOURNEY, NOT JUST THE DESTINATION.

And thus, with this 'out of control Lullabys Monster' I just have to let it roam wherever it wants to go and see where it leads me. Enjoy the journey. Enjoy the uncertainties. What's around your next corner? Thank God life is full of mystery and surprises.
Indeed, one clear sign of good mental health is the ability to tolerate life's uncertainties? This is something I teach my clients. And it is easier said than done.
Listen to all my songs! They are all hinged on jealousy, insecurity, doubts, not-knowing. It's through my music that I have come to tolerate all these difficult emotions. It has been my healer. There is still some way to go! Good job too, because without suffering where would the Lullabys be? Could you imagine me singing a happy little pop tune like McFly?
The day my heart mends is the day I hang up my guitar!
So bring on the pain and suffering! I must be a masochist!
Do I unconsciously seek it out? Do we all?
Now there's a question?
In truth, I believe we do. You see, us humans go through some pretty tough times in our early years. Ok, not everyone suffers traumas and the like, but how many of us didn't get the attention we felt we needed as kids? How many of us have had embarrassing or even humiliating incidents to have to deal with? What about issues with parents/ siblings that have never been resolved? And this is my point and what Freud would call 'repetition compulsion'. WE UNCONSCIOUSLY CREATE ISSUES/PROBLEMS/SCENARIOS THAT ECHO UNRESOLVED STUFF FROM THE PAST SO THAT WE CAN NOW DEAL WITH IT. In other words, we 'create' situations and relationships that in some way mirror issues from childhood in the hope that we will now, hopefully, resolve the situation and move on. Once the lesson is learnt you can move on to the next dilemma. And believe me, there will be more! But that's how we grow as humans, by solving problems!
EMBRACE UNCERTAINTY! EMBRACE SUFFERING! EMBRACE PROBLEMS!
As The Killers would say, "Everything will be alright..."
Believe it to be so.

That's enough of my psychobabble. Hope it got ya thinking.
The next Lullabys newsletter will be out soon, so if you're not yet a fan register at http://www.thelullabys.com/ and get the latest news. We're about to launch our first single and are preparing for 2 BIG GIGS in 1 day!

Stay in touch and share your thoughts and feelings.
We're all in this together!

Lullaby Gav