On Being a Dad and the Need to Prioritize

So, 12 weeks have passed since the birth of my son, Isaac. Where has that time gone?
I'm trying to take it all in, remember everything, all those little things that one so easily forgets. I take lots of photos but I should video far more. He's started smiling and laughing now and making really cute vocal sounds; his way of talking of course. I get the sense that he understands far more than we realise. It's great to observe his learnings. He's now learning how to co-ordinate his hand movements better and balance his head. He watches intently all that goes on around him.

Just the other afternoon I sat by his cot watching him dreaming. Have you ever watched your kids dreaming? His eyes were darting about all over the place under those closed lids. Knowing that REM sleep is the most highly programmable state I whispered some good words in his ear, the kind of things all kids need to hear. This, I suppose is something I'll always do in the hope that it will lay down positive templates in his unconscious mind.

He'll be a Liverpool fan for sure! A musician too. And he'll know all about hypnosis before he's 10. He'll learn how to influence people through the power of language. He'll have no problems attracting girls! Most importantly, he'll know that he is loved.

I don't want to force my own influences on him, of course! He'll be his own person. Perhaps like me and my father, he won't share my interests. My dad longed for me to have an interest in horses and wanted me to be a jockey. But everytime he took me and my brother to Newmarket races as kids we had more fun finding dropped coins after the racing had finished and everyone had gone home. My dad wanted me to live his own unfulfilled dreams and ambitions. Maybe we all do this with our kids? We want what we think is best for them. But we must stand back and let them carve out their own lives. Maybe, rather than try to influence them specifically it's best to foster ambition in them, a drive, a motivation toward something or toward endless possibilities. To think big. We all need a dream; something to aim for. Something to keep us focused and give us a sense of meaning.

I watched Derren Brown the other night on channel 4 o d and his new show 'Hero at 30,000 feet'. Amazing stuff and watch it if you want to escape a life of mediocrity. www.channel4.com/programmes/themes/derren-brown

Isaac being in my life means that I have decided to take my foot off the pedal with regards The Lullabys. I want to see him grow. This doesn't mean that music has come to grinding halt. I am writing new songs and have started recording some demos in my home studio which I will put up on www.myspace.com/gavindavidroberts. The songs will be released in 2011 either as an EP or I may go all the way and put out a full album. This will be solo stuff (not The Lullabys) and I'm toying with a new stage name. Or should I just go as Gav Roberts? I dunno. Music will always be a part of my life. It's how I process my emotions and is my creative outlet.

Last week I spent a few days in Prague with my brother, Jules. It was good to re-connect with him and was the first time we've ever been away together. It reminded me of the times we used to go away camping with mum and dad. Nearly 30 years have passed since then. We're both parents now but not much else about us has changed. We still laugh at the same old things, still support Liverpool FC, still love The Beatles. But aside from that we are poles apart. He is a homebody, not helped by a history of anxiety. I long for adventure, the romance of new places, new people, new experiences. How could we turn out so differently? How could two brothers, who went through the same kind of upbringing now have totally opposite outlooks on life? Ju won't mind me mentioning all this. He's been having CBT but it's not helping. I've heard it so often now. People come to me after months of counselling or CBT and they actually feel worse, not better. I'd be his best therapist but I'm too close to him. I want to help him and have suggested he read all he can about the Human Givens and finds a therapist who uses this approach. Go here for more info http://www.hgi.org.uk/ . It's the approach I use in my practice as a hypnotherapist. It works.

So, being a dad, spending time with my family and with my brother has helped me to prioritize things. It's helped me to realise just what's important to me. People. Making and keeping connections with those who matter most. Sure, we must all have our dreams and fantasies but these must not get in the way of the real stuff. Real people and real lives with all it's ups and downs. All of it is beautiful.

Like my son Isaac, I will focus on what's in front of me and learn from it all I can.